Top Three Estate Planning Mistakes That Spark Conflict

Family conflict rarely starts with money—it starts with silence. We tackle the three biggest estate planning mistakes that turn small gaps into full-blown feuds: poor communication, procrastination, and ignoring the real price of long-term care. With attorney Haley Madsen joining Greg McIntyre, we share a clear, practical roadmap to protect your loved ones, your home, and your peace of mind.

First, we unpack why secrecy around roles—agent under a durable power of attorney, executor, trustee, and successors—creates suspicion and delays when decisions must be made fast. You’ll hear how to tell your spouse and adult children exactly what you’ve assigned, what you expect, and where documents live, plus smart ways to split duties based on strengths without fueling sibling rivalries. We also talk candidly about how kids can start the planning conversation with reluctant parents and keep it focused on logistics, not fear.

Next, we confront the cost of waiting. From emergency guardianship to rushed probate, last‑minute planning is expensive and messy. We outline the core documents every family needs, the powers that make elder law planning possible, and how regular check‑ins keep your plan aligned with life changes. Then we dive into the numbers on long-term care—$10,000 to $14,000 per month in many areas—and walk through strategies to protect savings and the family home, including timing for Medicaid’s five‑year lookback and when irrevocable trusts or deed tools make sense.

You’ll leave with a simple action list: name agents and backups, communicate roles in writing, gather contacts and accounts on one page, and begin long-term care planning well before you need it. If you’re ready to replace mystery with clarity and panic with a plan, this conversation gives you the steps to start today. Subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review telling us the one step you’ll take this week.

Transcript

Why Families Fight Over Estates

Greg McIntyre 0:10

Common estate planning mistakes that cause family conflict. There are so many. We're going to hit top three. Okay. Lack of communication, not planning or being clear, or a lack of sense of urgency, putting it off until it's too late. And not protecting your assets from the high cost of long-term care, which makes the assets go away. I'll start with my top one, which is lack of communication. I'm joined today by my cohort at our practice, my fellow estate planning and elder law attorney, including a lot of litigation. Um, Vunderkin, Haley Madsen. Hello, Haley.

Haley Matson 0:54

Hello, hello.

Greg McIntyre 0:55

So, attorney Matso n, lack of communication. What are we saying there? What do we mean? And why is communication important?

Haley Matson 1:03

What we when we think lack of communication is just not talking to spouses, kids, even an estate planning attorney, just really not thinking about kind of what needs to be done, not effectively communicating who's getting what or how you want it to go, or maybe like not really being into the conversation with each other. That's always what I think. Because I feel like I see a lot of conflicts that are started by people like just straight up not talking to each other, you know?

Tell Your Agents And Successors

Greg McIntyre 1:35

Yeah, not not. I mean, look, if I nominate my wife as my agent under a general durable power of attorney to handle all my financial and legal affairs, if I become incompetent or incapacitated to save her or my children from having to go after guardianship for me through the courts, it's a major step. Yes, it is it's efficient, it's effective, saves a lot of time and heartache. I should tell her that. Yes you should. Hey, wife, hey Steph, you are my agent. I've nominated you. You're welcome. Okay. And this is what I need you to do. And let's talk about it back and forth. I'm her agent too. Our oldest son, Jordan, he's our successor agent. I talked to him about hey, if something happened to me and your mom, if my bad driving finally gets the best of us, heaven forbid, we're both in the car. I need you to step in and handle things. Same thing with a will as executors and backup executors, same thing with a trust, as trustee and backup trustee. You know, if if I'm gonna have somebody play a pivotal role of responsibility in my estate planning, my life, I'm going to let them know what that role is and we're gonna talk about it. So not talking about those things, not communicating. Gosh, if you're a child, communicating with your parents about maybe they failed to do estate planning, maybe I'm stubborn and I am, and I don't want to think about my own mortality because I think I'm gonna live forever. And gosh, you know, I'm getting up in years and I just don't want to think about it or talk about it, and I'm ignoring it or putting it off. Children should communicate and talk to their parents about these important things, which leads into our second one, attorney Madsen. Um, just things off, not planning, not being clear, you know, just procrastinating or ignoring.

Haley Matson 3:34

Things are off, like lack of urgency. I mean, that's something else that I see that just causes so much family conflict. The amount of times we have folks coming in and their parents never did any planning, and they're trying to figure out like long-term care or probate or really quickly do all of these things, it just causes a headache. And then they've got to call siblings from across the United States in a different state, and then we've got to talk to the parents who may or may not really be into their own estate planning, and that just causes a lot of conflict and miscommunication when all of this really could have been done earlier. I mean, same with lack of urgency. People come, they come back, Greg. They come back all the time because they were like, Oh, yeah, I should have hired you guys six months ago. They come back, and it's like, yeah, six months ago we would have been able to help you out a little bit better than we are now. Like powers of attorney, you wait six months, you're facing guardianship.

Kids Starting The Conversation

Greg McIntyre 4:25

The planning ahead is cheaper, it's easier, it's better, it's more protection, uh, cost more to do more heavy lifting in an emergency. That's the point. And and I just you just gave me an idea that's how I'm gonna get my kids back for all the pain and heartache of raising their their little tails, and I love them. I do, I do, but I could leave them with this big mystery to solve later, no, just a big mess, just like make it as complicated as possible, right? Yep, not ideal, okay. It it is fun to talk about, right? And it's funny, but no, I mean, you know, if you don't want to leave a huge puzzle and mystery, communicate, don't procrastinate, get together with an estate planning or elder law attorney, get the most straightforward, streamlined plan together to make it easier for you and your family. That's the point.

Haley Matson 5:19

I agree. I agree.

Procrastination And Its Costs

Greg McIntyre 5:21

So the high cost long-term care is one of the things that we really are concerned about too, attorney match. It really is. And why are we concerned about that? How much does it cost to say pay for a nursing homestead?

Haley Matson 5:32

Really, depending on the area. I mean, here in Mecklenburg County, I've seen it go as high as 14 grand a month. Yeah, look at probably at least 10, like just baseline.

Greg McIntyre 5:42

So, like, really, like you're talking about 120,000 to $200,000 a year in that range, which can start to really spin down an estate or threaten the sale of a house. Certainly. The threat between spouses, the stress. You know, if if I didn't plan to protect my house for my wife, and I had a stroke, a fall, an injury, the required long-term care, and I just left her in a lurch, it could cause a lot of controversy and ill will toward me. If I you know, and frustration for her, right? Yeah. And and and and for the kids as well, who are maybe trying to get in, clean up that mess, make sure they can protect the assets for mom and dad, and qualify benefit for benefits to pay for care.

Haley Matson 6:30

Yeah.

Greg McIntyre 6:31

Um, you know, that's where you it really gets into some really stressful situations, I think, um, for families.

Make Planning Simple, Not A Puzzle

Haley Matson 6:38

Yeah. I feel like all three of them are just really important to get together about because that long-term care planning, you have to do it early. You got to start this at least five years before you might apply for a benefit to get the most out of that like long-term care planning. So, to do that, you need to be able to speak clearly and have a plan, speak to an estate planning attorney, speak to your family, have that communication, and just not put it off. Like it all just kind of works together.

Greg McIntyre 7:07

Don't wait till it's too late. Thank you, attorney Matson. Call McIntyre Elder Law today. We would offer a free consult to help you and your family get your affairs in order and avoid the chaos, stress, and animosity that can occur from not clearly planning and getting things in order prior to some type of tragedy happening or something happening, life happening, and trust me, life is going to happen. So you can take advantage of that by calling 1-866-88186-908-1278 or scheduling directly on our calendar at mcelderlaw.com. Thank you and have a great day. Thank you, Attorney Matson.

Haley Matson 7:51

Thank you, Attorney Magnet.